Tuesday, April 20, 2010

27 Is The New 76!

I find it highly entertaining when all day I sit at my desk, manipulating excel to do all my evil whims, thinking of great things to write about and when I get to my laptop to write…. Nothing! It’s a tragedy to be sure. I’m half paying attention to ‘Lost’ in the other room that has been turned WAY past normal hearing mode. I think at that point only dogs and really old people can hear it! That’s one of the many interesting/weird/fun things about living with people over the age of 70 when you’re still in your 20’s, albeit late 20’s but my 20 none the less.

It’s interesting how living with old people can transform your habits into their habits. Like listening to the TV extremely loud, or going to bed before 10, and sadly getting mad at people who refuse to rake the leaves off their lawns. What happened to me? Seriously, there was a car parked outside my house for more that 10 minutes with the lights on and I was half way ready to call the cops before they drove off… those darn ruffians! Parked outside my house with their lights on! Stay a minute longer and I’ll turn the hose on you and shake my fist at you!!

I’m 27 at present, but my life style might suggest that I’m in my late 70’s. I wear ubber comfy clothes, (much to the chagrin of my place of employment, they’d prefer if I looked like a Barbie Doll everyday) and half the time I don’t even put on makeup or my contacts. I wear my Converse everywhere and when I drink my Dr. Pepper, it makes my stomach hurt! (This is ridiculous; I love the stuff and drink it religiously) Yesterday I dumped out half a can because the ‘bubblies’ where upsetting my stomach.

Seriously, what the hell happened to me? I have no idea when this transformation took place. There I was living a fun and gallant life, looking cute, hanging out and having fun when out of nowhere I lose the ability to stay up past midnight, I start getting back aches from sleeping on couches, and indigestion from eating fast food?! I got into my car on my way home from work today, and was severely pissed because I had missed the instrumental theme to Star Wars on the classical station… and for everything holy, when did I have AM radio pre-sets??? This is not OK! Something must be done! If I find myself purchasing ‘sensible heels’, then I’m going to need someone to take me out back and just shoot me and put me out of my misery!!

It’s been a downward slope, but luckily the other day a Lexus pulled up next to me at a stop sign and revved his engine. I looked at him with a ‘oh, that’s cute that you think your Lexus can beat my Mini’ look and waited for the light to turn green. Right then and there, I showed that little teenage bastard how to properly drive a fast car, and smoked him off the starting line. Keeping my momentum I sped right past him leaving him in a cloud of dust! Yeah, it was pretty awesome. He pulled up next to me at the next light and I merely looked at him and tipped my invisible hat toward him while bumpin' Mozart in my ride… there’s hope for me yet.

Sunday, April 18, 2010

I'm Back in Black! Or Rather I'm In The Blogger Witness Protection Program

I have officially learned my lesson when it comes to a few things regarding Blogging.

  1. Blogspot blogs are a lot easier to manipulate than your own domain.
  2. If the people you work for find out you have a blog (because let’s face it’s www.yourfullnamebecauseyoureanidiot.com , which doesn’t work out so well when you really need to vent about something) you can never decently post again without serious scrutiny…FAIL.
  3. It’s better to somewhat disguise yourself so you can get away with saying more stuff :)
  4. Do NOT, I repeat do NOT press the ‘accept’ button on facebook for a friend request from the CEO of your company knowing full well your blog address is posted on your profile, and think you can ever talk and/ or complain about anything ever again. Do this and you will be dooced! Fired! Sacked, $*** canned, and or outsourced because your ‘A’, is busted.
  5. After 7 years of blogging I have finally gotten smart. S-M-R-T!

If you’re wondering what my point is, I will tell you!

I was enjoying several bliss free years of blogging and snarking. It was the cheapest form of therapy, not to mention the BEST stress relieve I had found in years something went terribly wrong… dum dum dum (pun intended)

I have worked several jobs in my years on this earth, but I never had one I was ever afraid of being fired from for blogging and/or complaining about (ie 'dooced'). I had several posts about random funny things, weird people, or ridiculous co-workers. Even if the occasional co-worker would read it and then leave some half hearted response to the effect of ‘blah blah blah, I’m an idiot, blah blah, how dare I say something horrible about my job, blah blah’ (you get the picture) it didn’t matter because if they fired me, everyone’s work load would triple and I would just find a better paying job somewhere else. It wasn’t until I relocated and found a pretty decent job that I really enjoyed when it happened. I couldn’t vent. I couldn’t even say anything about anything without someone coming up to me at work the next day saying something to the effect of ‘wow, you’re really angry (sarcasm is sadly lost on most) I can’t believe you wrote that, you should work on that before the hire ups say something about it’. ‘Say what now?’ was my only response. So here I am! Almost a year and a half of not being able to blog anything in ‘my style’ of writing so I stopped. I took a very long hiatus. They took away my ads because I was no longer producing ‘satisfactory writing’. They actually said that! What was I supposed to say to them? ‘I’m sorry I’m a moron and too many people in my day to day life have found out about my darn blog and now one of my only tools for venting my frustrations as well as my cheapest form of therapy is now obsolete because I was an idiot an and used my full name for my URL (even after being warned) and are now facing the consequences?!? I don’t need your patronizing crap! If I wanted that I’d hang out with my ‘common law’ sister-in-law!

In the words of the immortal doors ‘the time to hesitate is through’. I created this little slice of heaven which will hopefully give me back my peace of mind and relaxation because where we stand right now has me hiding from my boss when ever he walks by while picturing him being lit on fire multiple times a day. Not to mention me wanting to B**** Slap my 74 year old roommate for verbally abusing my Granny Lou. I realize that by doing so (no matter how deserved) will land me a front row seat in Hell. I already have been undergoing construction on a mansion in heaven; therefore this plan of attack would not work out so well for me. So here I stand! Under a fake name and an extremely unidentifiable blog title I will write what I feel needs to be said! First thing I’ve done right in about a year and a half.